A "Blessing" In Disguise

     July 21, 2000 seems like ages ago now, and although the pain has dulled somewhat, I ALWAYS still find a lump in my throat as I think of or talk about the loss of our unborn child.  Only 8 weeks along in my third pregnancy, God saw fit to take our child to be with Him.  Andy and I were devastated, of course, and I could not help but go over every action of the previous 8 weeks to be sure I had not done anything to cause the miscarriage.  I knew then, as I know now:

THERE IS NOTHING I COULD HAVE DONE OR NOT DONE TO SAVE OUR BABY.  GOD JUST HAD OTHER PLANS FOR US THAT WE COULD NOT YET SEE.

     My sister-in-law has had several miscarriages and I often think of how strong she must be IS to have weathered the pain and loss several times.  My heart breaks for her each time I think of the painful memories she must have as well.  She is one of my best friends - truly like a sister to me but I could not fully understand her plight until I was also in her shoes.  Any of you who have gone through similar circumstances will understand my meaning.  I guess I am thankful that I did not lose my child after feeling my baby kick inside of me.  I am thankful that I did not give birth to my child and then have to bury that same baby.  I am thankful that God saw fit to take our child when He did and that there were no further side-effects to my body from the miscarriage.  But...

IS THERE REALLY EVER A GOOD TIME TO LOSE YOUR CHILD???  

NO!

     I have dear friends who have had to bury their children and I think each time - it is so unnatural.  For a mother or father to have to bury one of their children just goes out of the natural order of things!  I am not so naive though - this sad, untimely event happens on a daily basis in our world.  I am reminded time after time that God's ways are not our ways.  I know even when I cannot understand it - 

GOD STILL KNOWS WHAT IS BEST AND I MUST TRUST HIM!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

     July 22, 2001 found me in the hospital giving birth to our beautiful daughter whom we named Blessing Renee Sturm.  Just one year after our hearts were broken, God was still at work in our family. This time He ADDED a pink little bundle of joy that would enlarge our hearts and make room to love even more.  The pregnancy had been uneventful and although I was a bit nervous throughout, our little Blessing came into the world happy and healthy.  That same little bundle turned 12 years old today!  Would I go back and wish things to be any different?  Of course not.  God knew what I needed and what our family had to go through to see Him glorified.  Did I like the trial we were put through?  No way!  I would never want to repeat it nor would I wish it upon any other mother and father!  But, as I have said, I know that His ways are not our ways.  God had a purpose in our trial and even our suffering.  I know with all of my heart that GOD IS ONLY GOOD!  It may not always feel good, but there is nothing that can come into my life that God has not allowed.  As much as I want for my own children, God wants WAY MORE for me and my children as well!  As our Heavenly Father, He does not like to see His children suffering or sad.  He wants only the best for us and He knows how to bring about the best from us!  I know I fail time after time, but my prayer is that He will be glorified through each and every trial or testing that comes our way!

     So, today, I wish a very happy birthday to my sweet little DRAMA QUEEN daughter - Blessing Renee!  You were an amazing blessing to us 12 years ago and that feeling has only grown with you as we have watched you turn into a lovely Christian young lady.  We love you sweetie and thank God every day that He chose us to be your parents!