INSTINCT….Brieanna Two Weeks On!

     We were created with natural instincts.  If we touch something hot, we automatically pull away.  If we have pain, we cry out or at least react in some way.  As parents, we instantly, instinctively love that baby from the moment we know him or her exists in the womb.  I know in the world in which we live this is not always the case, but for most, life is precious.  We instinctively love our family and desire to protect them.
     In the two weeks since my daughter's surgery,
I have felt the natural instinct to guard Brieanna.  I love this girl with whom Andy and I were blessed almost 16 years ago. She has been a shining star in our lives and now she is hurting and weak and we both want to protect her and keep her from pain.  Our instinct is to make all of her "hurts" better.  For the most part in her life, we have been able to help ease her pain.  I have discovered, in the past two weeks, what it means to watch helplessly.
     Now, please do misunderstand, Andy and I have helped Brie in every way we can, but this is one of those situations that we cannot just take from her or make better with a little kiss or comforting words.  This is a time Brie has had to face herself.  She has faced it with courage and strength and even a sense of humor =), but there have been hard times, for sure, as well.  Yesterday evening was one such night:
     Brie's stoma has become quite agitated and swollen causing great pain as stomach acid constantly pours through.  This causes the area to become raw and extremely painful.  Brie has also lost a lot of blood and has continued to lose more since we have been home.  She has lost nearly 15lbs since the surgery as well.  She is quite uncomfortable sitting and standing and even has a hard time getting comfortable enough to rest at night.  These are all normal for post operative patients after this sort of surgery, but not "normal" for a 15 year old girl who views it all as new and painful.  My heart broke last night as I had to hold this girl as she has sobbed out her frustration and pain.  I held back the tears and made her promises that "It's gonna be okay" so much that it makes my head hurt. She IS healing, but in the process, she has become more weak and pale than I have ever seen her.  She was up several times during the night in pain and unable to get comfortable enough to sleep.   I wanted to take it all away from her.  It is my motherly instinct!  
     As a Christian, I also have another instinct.  PRAYER!!  Those times when I feel overwhelmed and at a loss as to how to help my daughter cope and get stronger, I remember that I serve a God who is never "at a loss" for answers or strength!  My instinct as a Child of God is to go to Him in prayer which I have done so very much lately!  When I cannot follow my instinct as a mother and make everything better for my child, I am so glad that I serve a God who can make it all better.  As His child, I instinctively know that He CAN make it all better.  He CAN heal!  He CAN comfort.  He CAN and will give that help in the time of need.  I have seen Him do it time and time again in my life and greatly in the past two weeks as well.
     I praise God that Brieanna knows where she can go for help as well.  It was nearly 2am when I left her room the first time (she did not want to be alone) and she was ready to sleep.  She then stayed up and read her Bible to gain strength from His Word.  Even in her state of exhaustion, she said that she wanted to be sure to finish her Bible reading.  It was important that she spent that alone time with God.  Her instincts led her to Him as well.
     I am so thankful each day as Brie takes tiny steps toward full recovery.  O yes, there are those days of setbacks, but she pushes on and is getting better on the whole.  It is slow and painful, but Brie is healing as she should.  I am so thankful that even when I cannot be all that my child needs, Brie knows she can turn to her All in all.